Square Peg In A Round Hole

Why I have chosen to become a homeeducator.

Choosing to become a homeeducator was not a decision I made lightly it was a build up over time of instances that made me realise I want my girls to have a better experience learning then what I had.

I never enjoyed school, my first memory of school is  when I was 5 and had developed seperation anxiety after a previous incident, I remember having a teacher pull me away from my mother and me screaming and crying and the teacher locking me in the classroom and standing in front of the door and telling me I was ridiculous and needed to grow up. This in turn made me feel insecure about being at school which caused me to develop stomach cramping due to the stress and anxiety of being in the school environment. My parents did the best they could to help but without the support of the school it was difficult.

I ended up having a horrible immune system and was always sick I believe this was due to the immense stress and anxiety I was always feeling. I missed a lot of school due to this and fell behind academically.

This really showed when I went highschool I ended up spending my highschool days wagging, in time out or detention. I had no passion or desire to learn What was on offer at the school. I struggled to fit in socially with the other girls at school and was bullied a lot. I ended up having a majority of male friends which caused me to big a bigger target for bulling. I had no self confidence and extremely low self esteem.

 As the years went by I dreaded going to school and would skip often. The only thing I did do a lot was Dream of having children I always wanted to be a stay at home mother. I had a few jobs when I was at school and was let go from all of them I never seemed to fit in the work force.

I remember sitting in my guidance counsellors office and having her laugh at me and say being a stay at home mother wasn’t something I should strive to be. I remember her telling me that I lacked ambition and if I kept going the way I was going I wouldn’t amount to anything. My teachers had labelled me in the drop out and delinquent group. 

In 2006 I met my loving partner and father to my children he was the only reason I stayed at school and completed my equivalency.

After I completed highschool I worked at a library for 9 months I didn’t love my work environment but I loved the borrowers. I loved making those personal connections with people and being able to make a difference in people’s days. I learnt that sometimes I would be the only person some of the borrowers would talk to all week. I had favourite borrowers who I would order surprise books for and have them waiting for them just so they knew I had been thinking of them. I found that I wasn’t right for that job as it was more about processing the books then connecting with people. My boss also didn’t appreciate that I didn’t have my license and had to rely on getting lifts which at times caused me to be late. So my contract was not renewed I was devastated not for loosing the job but for loosing the people I had become friends with.I hated that work was so I personnel I wanted make those amazing connections with people.

I remember one of the borrowers even became a reference for me. I spent months looking for a new job I didn’t have a lot of skills or experience or referees and  I found it hard to find work I then came across a trainee opportunity to become an integration aide. (Integration aide is someone who helps assist a child with special needs integrate into the classroom) I really enjoyed my job and loved helping the children achieve. I also found I clashed with a lot of teachers their truly are so many teaching styles and a lot of them I don’t agree with. But as the years went on (I worked as an aide for 5 years) the school system began to change. The teachers that had inspired me were loosing  their passion they were belittled and burnt out and some even forced into retirement as they didn’t fit into the “new age” system The children were becoming stressed and anxious about all the standardised testing. The school environment was not a pleasant place to be. 

In 2013 I became pregnant with my beautiful Dot, and left the school environment in November. I never realised at the time the baby growing  in my tummy would never set foot into a school as a student unless she chooses to of her own accord. After giving birth to Dot and going through post natal depression and then finding the light at the end of the tunnel through my own self discovery, i decided that after all the above incidents I wanted more for my children.

I decided that all of my children would be given the opportunity to find themselves and discover who they want to be not who they want to work for. I want my children to wake up in the morning inspired and ready to embrace life and all the wonderful opportunities it has to offer. I don’t want them to be ranked by how smart they are (I always skipped the testing days at school due to the high anxiety they gave me). I want them to know what their strengths are and how they can thrive on them. Most of all I want them to be happy.

 

2 thoughts on “Square Peg In A Round Hole

  1. Lucy Croxford says:

    I love your passion for life Emily. You are an incredible mum and from what I have witnessed through your posts, Little Miss Dot is enjoying your creativity and enthusiasm for learning. Your two lovely girls are very lucky to have you as their mum. xx Lucy.

    Liked by 1 person

    • discoveringourtoddler says:

      Thank you so much Lucy for your beautiful comment. And thank you for inspiring me with your passion for teaching. Your classroom was one I always felt most st home in I loved how you always tried to make learning fun 🙂 love Em xx

      Like

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